The alien apocalypse survival guide: 6 things to do if aliens attack!
- Don’t touch them
- This is the first rule. It may seem obvious, but in the US the Extra-Terrestrial Exposure Law once stated that NASA had the power to impound anyone who’s found to have come into physical contact with an alien or UFO. And there are some serious reasons behind this. Firstly, they may be carrying some otherworldly germs that could become an incurable virus - and let’s not even try to imagine what an alien disease could do to you. Secondly, they might be able to learn a huge amount of biological or even psychological data from us through touch alone, and if you get too close you’ll put the whole of humanity at risk. So if you see an alien - stay away.
- Don’t communicate with them
- The US also has laws against contacting aliens or UFOs and even for those of us in the UK, we would do well to do the same. Professor Stephen Hawking warns that if aliens ever make contact with Earth, it might be a bit like Christopher Columbus and the European invasion of America - basically, not a good thing for the natives. Professor Hawking cautions that aliens may be massively more advanced than humans and may see us as no more important than bits of bacteria. So the less they know about us, the better.
- Organise your supplies
- Aliens aren’t your only enemy. Dehydration, starvation and cold - this unholy trinity of death has been around long before the invaders arrived and will remain long after they’ve gone. If you can’t eat, drink and stay warm while you’re hiding from aliens then it’s pretty much game over. So think about getting a good supply of food and water, as well as making a plan for rationing out your supplies so they last - who knows how long the aliens might stick around.
- Develop a code
- When you don’t know your enemy, the best defence is invisibility. By staying hidden, you have the chance to learn about the invaders without them learning about you which could give you the upper hand - tactically speaking. But you’ll need to find a way to communicate with others under attack or you’ll risk facing the aliens alone, and there might be power cuts and telephone interference. In which case - there’s no school like the old-school. It’s time to crack out an uncrackable code. Start working on it now.
- Think offence, not defence
- Once you know your enemy, the best defence is offence. They might be more technologically advanced (after all, they found us before we found them) but you could have the element of surprise on your side. And bombs and bullets aren’t the only way to attack an enemy - sci-fi movies have shown humans defeating aliens with the use of music, water, deadly laser beams, or just by outsmarting them. Or what about a virus of some kind - after all, if their germs could mess up our immune systems then maybe our germs would do the same to them?
- Be prepared to be a lone wolf
- You’ve tried steps 1-5 but it’s all just too little, too late. The aliens are exterminating the last of us now clinging desperately to existence. Safety in numbers no longer applies. You have to stay stealthy and out of sight. You have to keep moving. And you probably have to travel alone. Trust no one. Be prepared to defend yourself against other scavengers - they’ll want your stuff (and to be fair, you’ll probably want theirs). Be armed and ready to run at any moment. No more Mr Nice Guy - it’s survival or bust.
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